my boys father is coming over today. I'm remaining positive. If you think positive thats what will come right? Law of attraction. Well thats what i'm hoping for.

so my phone will finally let me on here. I haven wrote on here in 43 weeks. So much is different. I'm out in vegas with my mother. My boys father just came back from detroit. Which he just moved back to two months previous. I can't sleep. When i knew he was far away i didn't let thoughts of him creep into my head. But now he's back and its like just the fact that he's in the same city stresses me out so bad. I've spent the last couple of nights thinkin about what will happen when we finally come face to face for the first time in three months. I hate him. I hate him for leavin his children. I have so much anger but in a strange twisted way i've missed him. I'm crazy right? I don't know how i'm feelin really. But i most definitely feel anger. Its boils inside my soul. Leaks out of my pours. Burns inside my eyes. I used to just be sad. I'd cry and cry and cry. I'd plead up to the sky for things to be like they were. But i doo't want that now. I don't know what i want. I don't know what to expect.

I'm thinking of moving to Vegas..... Anyone care to lemme know if its a good idea??

So I havent wrote in forever. But what new? I've been living at my sisters for a minute now. And now I have two jobs, one at famous footwear and one at bob evans. I've been working myself to the brink and have been feeling like I'm on the brink of a mental breakdown.
My hormones are raging. My sister is of course being a complete bitch to me. Always complaining about my baby crying. HE'S A FUCKING BABY! She knows all that I'm going through right now and still has the nerve to talk shit to me. I wish I didn't have to be here. This morning she said "the only reason your here is because of james and you need to remember that". Damn right the only reason I'm here is because of james...if I didn't have a baby I'd be living in my dorm right now. Then she tried to call me a bad mother. BecauseI was talking back tell her I work too hard for her bullshit and I'm a damn good mother. Then she said "yeah sometimes...". I'd hit the bitch in the face if I knew it wouldnt have a backlash on me and my sons well being.
I know I'm a damn good mother. She's not one to talk anyways. They NEVER watch their kids and they don't listen to them for shit and all the do is beat thier asses which does nothing anyways. What cuz she watches my baby when I go to work? Yeah shes the number fucking one parent ever to fucking exist.
I'm tired of my whole family to be truthful. Ever since I had james they all treat me like shit. My dad fucking told my sister I just need to move to Vegas with my mom. He won't even return my calls and talks to me like I'm shit.
Brittany talked all that shit about I need to get away from james to better my life and I don't deserve to be treated like that, just to bring me here and put me down.
I'm just tired of being so alone sometimes. I work my ass of all day everyday and I still get treated like I'm a second rate person. Like I don't deserve shit. Like I'm the biggest fuck up ever.
I came here to make my life better. So me and my son could be happier and I wouldn't have to deal with all the pain I was going through with james. Just for everyone here to look down on me like I'm a crack head begging for change. I coulda went to louisiana with james for this shit.

You're a 90's kid if:

You remember watching:
-Doug
-Ren & Stimpy
-Pinky and the Brain
-AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
-Rockos modern Life.
-Animaniacs
-Gargoyles

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiin west Philadelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember:
-Step by Step
-Family Matters
-Dinosaurs
-Boy Meets World

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

When everything was settled by:
-rock paper scissors or
-bubble gum bubble gum in a dish
-inky binky bonky
-ms. mary mack

when kick ball was a daily activity.

cops and robbers was played non stop.

when we used to obey our parents

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.

You remember The Original Game Boy.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching:
-The Magic School Bus
-Wishbone
-Reading Rainbow
-and Ghostwriter on PBS

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum.

You remember watching:
-the 1st Batman
-Aladdin
-Ninja Turtles
-ghost busters

You remember Ring Pops.

If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"

You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players.

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

one word. . . . . . . .trolls.

Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of
-Rugrats
-Wild Thornberry's
-Power Rangers
-Rocket Power.

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Carebears

Lambchop's song never ended.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

Everyone watched the WB.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said

You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.


Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Before Tupac was shot.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
You had slap bracelets!
You Actually played outside until it was dark!


Way back.


Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

I moved into my sisters today. Feels strange. Bitter sweet kind of. I've been trying to hold back tears all day. But I know its a hard thing for me to let go of things I've become so accustom to. Let go of feelings I've had for so long. I don't care how much everyone acts like its easy to do what I'm doing right now. Its not. At times I feel good and others scared, sad, and lonley. Its the first few days of pain that are the worst right?? I know it heals with time but right now I'm at that point where it feels like forever away.
My life has changed so much and some times its overwhelming.

mood: crappy

So in about a week me and baby james are moving into my sisters place. With me and james and our financial problems things have gotten to bad. Its to the point where were arguing almost every day and him hitting or threatening to him me at least once or twice a week. Not to mention him not having a job and not helping me with shit besides watching baby james when I go to work.
I'm tired of it. For a looong time I was too scared to be on my qwn. I felt like I needed james to be there and live with my and be my partner. But yesterday he slapped me with my baby in my arms. And that made me realize I have to stop holding on to what I want and do whats best for my child.
I did love james. Can't lie about that. Then time and time again I would think he was gunna change. He would make me thinkl he was gunna change. Bring me down and bring me up just enough for me to forgive him again.
I know I'm stronger than that and I don't like the person I've been becoming.
I love my kid too much now. I can't even explain it. Its scary sometimes being a parent. Having a little being that depends on you for everything. Knowing you CAN'T fuck up or your putting thier life in danger. But I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe this was meant to happen. I'm gunna live somewhere I can save my money and get stable again. Get out of this hole I've been dragged into.
I don't know... i guess I'm just hoping for the best.

So I'm writing for the first time in a looong time. I never even finished my birth story. Long story short...he came out, I got sewn up, and he was the most beautiful thing in the world. Placenta is nasty. Oh and left out the part where I reacted to my epidural by becoming extremely cold and uncontrollably shaking and being covered with like 6 blankets.
But things are very different now. James turned 3 months on the 16th. He is fat and adorable. And a hell of alot more enjoyable than when he first was born. No more just crying. Now he coos, goos, gargles and squels. smiles and laughs when you play or talk to him. cries when you leave the room.
now i gotta go again...ill be back sooner though.

Yep. So heres the story...
On october 15th I had just a regular weekly check up. So I guess my blood pressure was high sot hey sent me over to the hospital. After about 7 grueling hours of stupid little tests they decided I could be discharged and gave me a list of reasons why I should come back.
So me and James went over his grandmas house and then went to pick up his friend howard who was moving in with us. So when I went to the bathroom I there were clots in the toilet. Which was one of the reasons they said I should come back. so we had my sister come and drive me to the hospital.
So they did the regular, checked my cervix, strapped me up to the fetal monitors, blah blah... I was convinced they were just gunna send me home.
Then the doctor came in and told me that I was gunna be induced. I don't think I was ever so scared in my life my heart dropped and I wanted to cry. But I kept holding back my tears because I didn't want some nurse telling me how I should be ready or something.
So I sat there in that little room waiting for them to put in my I.V. and wheel me off to my birthing room. Scared shitless. James and my sister were out smoking a cigarette so I was sitting there alone having a mini panic attack.
They rolled me into my room, which was actually a preety appealing place. TV, nice little chairs, my own bathroom. My sister went home and it was just me and james. \to induce my labor the started me on an I.V drip on a drug called pattossin. Which preety much makes your body involunarily have contractions.
As soon as the nurses and everyone was out of the room. I sat there with james and balled my eyes out. I cried about how I should have just stayed home and I wasn't reeady and I just wanted to go home.
But it was about midnight so I decided I might as well try to sleep becuse I wasn't getting out of it. But my baby didn't want to let me rest. He wouldn't stay still so the external fetal monitors kept losing his heartbeat. So about every 20 minutes a nurse would come in and make me change position. All of which were not at all comfortable. they wouldn't even let me get up to use the bathroom. Everytime I had to piss they made me use a bed pan. Which is degrading and uncomfortable. Lifting your ass up and having a bowl shoved under in then pissing while the nurse watches and your ass gets soaked.
Well long story short for that night, I finally got to sleep. I slept for a couple of hours and I guess the contractions woke me up.
When I first woke up my contractions were preety far apart, annoying and not really that painful. Me and james sat and watched tv for awhile. Then they stared getting worst. At first I didn't complain because I didnt want to look like a pussy. But then they kept coming closer and closer. Every minute, then evry thiry seconds, then practically back to back. I kept sending james out to get the nurse and to get my started on some demerol (pain-killer thats not as stong as an epidurl it just makes you high and sleepy)
So finally the nurse came in and told me the doctor was gunna break my water and put in an internal fetal monitor since my baby didn't was to cooperate with the external monitors.
So the contractions kept coming and coming, and when I say that shit hurt that shit HURT.
So then my sister ansd james mom showed up. But my sister had my nephews with her and kids under 12 arn't allowed in the delivery rooms. So james went down to watch the kids while they came up.
So as soon as james left the room, the doctor came in. Of course I was scared. The prospect of having my water brike and a monitor shoved into my vagina and stuck to my babies head wasn't exactly appealing. The doctor told me my contractions would get stronger once he broke my water.
My sister and james mom walked in right as he was breaking it. It felt disgusting like a giant tidal wave of warm water gushing out of me.It didn't hurt but as soon as it happened i burst into tears. My sister came over and tried to comfort me but I couldnt stop crying. My contractions were happening one on top of another. I couldn't control the sounds I was making. i'm not gunna lie I was freaking out. The doctor wanted to start me on the epidural. So they cut off my patossin. Which slowed down my contractions. It was like a blessing from god. I could handle going a minute between contractions. PLus when they took the patossin off the pain level went down. When I was on the patossin the nurse told me on a scale of one to a hundredI was like a 75-80. After the patossin was off they kinda switched between a 30 and a 65 going every minute to every thirty seconds.
I got better with dealing with the pain. The nurse told me when the contractions came to breathe and concentrate on some thing. So when they came I'd stare at something...like a cup on the table and just put all my energy into staring that cup down and breathing. It actually helped the pain as stupid as it sounds. I personally thought that the breathing excercises wouldn't do shit.
So when they broke my water I was only 2 cenimeters dialated.
During the 3 hours after that while I was waiting for the epidural I dialated to 7 cenimeters. Which shocked the fuck outta me. (My labor was nothing like the ones I watched on "baby story" lol.
Anyways, I was getting frustrated with how long it was taking for the epidural to come. And you knpw it had to be bad if I was reading to get a four inch needle stuck in my back and I'm the girl who still cries when I get my blood taken.
The most irritating part being that damn internal fetal monitor that felt like a huge tampon that wasn't put in right. But finally the epidural people came. I was scared shitless but at the same time relieved.
My contractions seemed to want to get worst as soon as they wanted to stick it in. So I was crotched over with my face damn near shoved into the nurses boobs trying to breathe through them as they shoved the needle in my back. It wasn't all that bad really but that could just be because I was having pain elsewhere.
It took it like 5-10 minutes to start working and fifteen for them to get it in. But when it did start working it was like heaven. I felt heavy and fuzzy..like the way it feels when your foots asleep before it starts feeling like pins and needles...except all over.
Then my babies heartbeat started dropping...so they had me changing positions until finally it got back to normal. They gave me an oxegen mask to help keep it normal and had a blood pressure thingy hooked up to my arm going off every 10 minutes. Plus a cathder so I didn't piss on myself.
So I layed there enjoying my numbness when the nurses came busting in again. The babies heart beat dropped again so they decided to shove something up iside me to squirt water into my uterus because they tohught he was compressing his cord and wanted his to float up off of it.
Not to long after that I started feeling really uncomfortable. I could feel the the baby turning his head back and forth making the fetal monitor rub my insides. I knew I needed to push. Its like my body just knew. I had them get the nurse, she checked me but I was only 9 1/2. But I didn't give a fuck I wanted the fucking baby out. The nurse told me to do some practice pushes...but as soon as I did his head started coming down. They ran out and got the doctor...not the rest is kinda fuzzy to me. All I remember is hearing people talking. pushing as hard as I could and everythign beyond my view of my belly and my legs looking foggy. I felt myself rip but truthfully that wasn't the worst thing that was going on at the moment.
I pushed for a grand total of 5 minutes and he was out. (It takes the average 1st time mom 45 min to and hour) I felt his head out and one more push sent the rest of him. then a tidal wave of blood hit my doctor. whcih was preety funny...

to be continued my baby is crying.....

Rolling over at night is difficult and sometimes painful, and therefore i hate it.
I have been overcome by pregnancy. I don't even feel human anymore.
I feel depressed sometimes. I spend 95% of my time at home alone. People call but for some reason i don't anwser. Like i hate my lonliness but at the same time embrace it. Strange as that may seem.
Life doesn't seem to want to go right. I should be excited right now but i'm not. I'm scared. Scared and confused.
I sit here day after day feeling like I'm wasting my life, wanting to get out and do something with nothing to do. I have fewer and fewer people to turn to. I can say i have about 4 friends i could hangout with. Probably less.
I want my mom for some reason lately. but she's in vegas and has a minute phone. So everytime i talk to her its rushed. Or her asking me to get a note from my doctor lying about her helping me out while i had my strained ligament because she's taking off school to save up to come here when i have my baby.
Sometimes i feel like everyones life has more substance than mine. People who want to be around them and want to talk to them, places to go. But i really don't have anything.
When i give birth i guess i will, but I want to be able to share that with the world and feel like I can't for some reason.
It's like a negative cloud is surrounding me. Stopping me from being active, social, and happy.
Snide comments form my family don't help. I'm 9 fucking months pregnant I don't need you saying "I can't believe your gunna be a mom" or because I forgot my keys upstairs and have to take a whole minute and a half to go get them " how are you gunna have a baby you can't even remember anything".
Everyone acting like my life is peachy. Me and james were almost fucking homeless, using the last of our money just to eat, But you know who my fmaily says is stressed. Oh no not me, My sister, she's the one with the problems. Me and fucking james are saving up every extra penny we get to get a car but Brittany is driving car #4 and every last one has been given to her. But she's stressed and i should be Quote "grateful" she's helping me out. Grateful for the fucking hand-me-down crib she gave me that was given to her.
I feel left out in my own house. James sits on the phone for hours with other people. Girls who are just "friends". whcih makes me feel like shit seeingas he can have so much to talk to them about but hardly nothing for me. i guess thats enough bitching for one entry...

So....long time, no writing. Yeah, not having a computer sucks.

Well on to the story that inspired this Oh so interesting title. Two days ago i wanted a burrito....BAD. I made james walk to the gas station and get me one. So I'd say about an hour or so later I felt like the burrito was eating my insides.
I was sick as hell. I started throwing up and throwing up some more and then to top it off...I threw up some more.
Well eventually i got to a comfortable enough place where I could get to sleep. Well abotu 3:00 am. i woke up for one of my many nightly trips to the bathroom. Threw up again and then tried to go back and lay down again. But I felt strange. I couldn't even lay right because my whole abdomen and back felt so tight. I got up and walked around. Which for soem reason is my solution to everything. It didn't help.
My back felt so tight, like someones fist was around the bottom of my spine. I also was getting sharp pain in my pelvis every couple of minutes. I woke up james and told him I think I need to go to the hospital. Half second-guessing my self because I didn't want to go there and be sent home for just some regular pregnancy pains.
Still something felt different about what was going on. I couldn't find my pregnancy book for anything in the world. I took a shower and considered just hopping in the bath to ease the pain. Just to check up on everything james called 311 (non-emergency) and I called my doctors office. Well both told me to get to the hospital. So james called the ambulance.
They took me to hudsel hospital where I was hooked up to the external monitors for the babies heart beat and the number of contractions i was having.
Long story short, i was having contractions every two minutes. Which were being brought on by extreme dehydration, which was brought on by throwing up, which was brought on by that GODDAMN burrito.
If i would have stayed home I'd probably have had to go into actual labor. But instead i had to drink like a gallon of water to stop the contractions. well I guess that all that interesting thats been going on.
My landlords still an ass. My cat thinks the babies bassinet is for him. James scared the cat out of the bassinet last night while I was sleep which made him jump on me, claws and all, and now I have two claw holes right under my ass. They really hurt. :'(.
I worry about the well-being of my baby preety much all day. this is me "Is he ok? Why isn't he moving? OMG SOMETHINGS WRONG!!" Then he kicks and squirms for me and eases my mind until about two hours later.
God my ass hurts.
Well I'm gunna go now. Until next time. Maybe I'll still be pregnant.. maybe not...its a surprise.

Well, I miss being able to just get on a computer. Right now I'm at Wayne state because I was trying to sell back some old books. But, they said come back in december, those bastards.
My dad just got james hired at where he works. He starts monday. This preobably won't stop my landlord from being a complete ass though. I hate his hardle english speaking ass. Calling me when I'm 3 days late on the rent threatening to kick us out. I don't think he understands how the US government works. That our lease in a binding contract and he could even try to kick me out until I'm 30 days late.
He's just trying to use us to pay his morgage anyways until he sells the house. But me and james have a 1 year lease so lets see how far he gets with that.
I'm about to put in a police complaint because he harrasses us so damn much. Bring people all day and night to look at the house. He has a for sale sign hanging up in the front. Well, in our lease it says he's not suppossed to hang up shit until our last thirty days there. So he's gunna take that shit down.
On another note preganancy is hard. I'm so tired and my back hurts and I stuffed with baby. I don't even feel like its my body any more. I really just want to feel like a normal woman again. But my day to deliver is getting closer and closer. And religiously watching "A baby story" on TLC has me all revved up. I want hold and baby and cry and all that stuff.
I can say I'm a bit of a jerk sometimes. Gimme a break though, if i ever meet a third trimester chick whos happy all the time I'd think they were on drugs. I was already a very open person about what bothers, annoys, or pisses me off before I got pregnant but now I have now self control. But I guess the world needs a little brutal honesty

Me and james got in a big arguement the other day. Yeah I mean I know he was chatting it up with the brauds on myspace but then I found out he's been calling bitches off my phone. then lying about it. Erasing the numbers outta my phone like when I look at my recent calls I won't wonder why only five are showing up and the rest are erased.
So of course I flipped. We both agreed not to do the shit but then he does anyways..and using my shit to do it?!?
So i said ur not using nothing of mine anymore...don't get on my phone...don't use my laptop... If u need to talk to a bitch that bad go hustle up 50 cent and use a payphone.
So he's yelling and being an ass. i put my laptop in my bookbag and got ready to take it over my sisters. So he starts telling me I'm not leaving blah blah blah... pulls the book bag away from me and tosses it into the kitchen.
Make a long story short, after all the commotion, when i took the laptop out of my book bag the screen was scattered. Completely scatter except for one corner where I can where I can see my little mouse arrow.
I'm pissed.

Time seems to be flying by....and the last of our money wasting away. I really think I'm the only one who sees the seriousness of this sometimes. James mom even had the nerve to ask to borrow money from us. WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY OUR RENT! So I said no. Then she wants to start talking about "oh so you all can borrow money from us but can't do us a favor" I was like "I lent out money plenty of time to your mother and never got it paid back". So she stomps around the house like I really give a fuck.
I don't think she likes me anyways. Talks to me like I'm stupid or something. Trying to give James advice that I've been trying to drill in his head for months and then when I mention what I was trying to get him to do she tells me "this is a mother-son conversation".
Yeah...comign from the mom who just got out of prison, smoked crack while she was pregnant, and NEVER TOOK CARE OF HIS ASS. At least I already know I'm a better mother than she was and my babies not born yet. I can't even bring myself to smoke cigarettes any more let alone crack.
Plus she's always making this little snide comments. Like she enrolled in a community college. So she turns over to james and says, "u should come there theres a whole bunch of preety girls there". Then turns to me and says "just kidding melissa hehe"
75% of what people say "just kidding" is what they really want to say or what they really feel. And I'm not stupid.
Yeah me and james are broken up but we made a deal while I'm pregnant we won't mess with anyone else like that. Just for the principle.
Not that he's sticking to it. He thinks I'm dumb but the true fact of it is I just don't give a fuck. I've heard him call girls and I damn sure knows he talks to them on myspace, callin them his "baby". Bitches he ain't never met. Pathedic if you ask me if he's that damn desperate. Won't catch me in a myspace romance.

I went to the welfare office yesterday to file for well... welfare. To be more specific I'm filing for food assistance (bridge card) and cash assistance (preety much self explainatory). I would file if we didn't need it. With james out of a job right now and our desperate search turning up empty every timeI need something for a little back up. Plus we have no food and I'm getting tired of going to other peoples house to eat.
It was crowded as fuck in there. Me and james knew a good percentage of the people in there didn't really need assistance. Or just live off the state and don't even try to get a job.
We sat in there from 8am til 4pm. The said they had called our name at 11:30am but thats a god damn lie considering I was wathcing that little door they come out of like a hawk. A very impatient hawk.
Well they could pronounce my last name anyways. They were saying klump and krumf. I don't understand where you get that outta kumpf. Is there a L or a R in there?? Some one let me know...

I have to start going to the doctors office every two weeks now. Cuz as of tommarrow I am 30 weeks. Leaving me only ten weeks left until I have a baby....:/.
James came with me and we had to wait like 45 minutes until the doctor saw me. Which isn'treally normal. I'm usually in there preety quick. I started to get really pissed because I had been holding my pee because they want a sample every time I go in and my baby kept hitting my bladder.
I have another f-ing urine track infection and a yeast infection. Seeing as urine track infection meds give you a yeast infection anyways they had to write me a prescription for both anyways.
James got to feel the babys head through the bottom of my stomach when the doctor showed him how. My baby was going nuts while I was in the doctors office. She actually had to push him to one side of my belly to keep him still so she could check out his heart beat. I don't think he likes when people mess with him. James said he was shaking his head back and forth when the doctor and him were touching it.
Well my heartburn is acting up so I'm going to go be pissy.

I don't know really what to call my mood right now. Kind of like...that face you make when your in a daze and someone asks you what your staring at...if that makes sense. Life seems to be at a stand still. Even though so many things are about to happen.
I went out and bought some stuff for my baby with the 300 target gift card my dad gave me. I got a new stroller-car seat travel system. Its so cute. But my cat pissed on the carseat. Which really pissed me off. I read a little article about animals and baby stuff and it said not to take shit like that personally. But I was pissed. I had to take it apart and throw it in the washing machine. Now the cats arn't allowed in the babies room.
I've gained so much wieght during this pregancy, all for a good reason though right?? Bull shit...thats what all though little books and magizines say..but I'll tell you the truth it hard to think of it that way. I know alot of it is water wightlike in my ankle and toes and vaious other parts, but tell that shit to my chin ...which has recently decided to begin growing a body double. ugh..thats what bother me the most. My damn chin.
James needs to get a job...or get his other job back. If I could get a job I would. He's such an ass sometimes. If I was a man,I'd beat the shit out of him. He's just so fucking immature and self-centered. Shit, half the time I could swear he was the pregnant one. And thats not just my pregnancy induced irritabilty talking.

I'm sooooo excited. Probably getting my hopes up though. Some people pissed me off though. Like my friend Emma. She said she didn't think she could make it cuz she didn't have a ride. So I said " spend the night over my house and ride with me". She said alright...so a couple days ago I comment on her page when if she's still coming to spend the night. She's never commented back...and I know she's been on plenty of times since then cuz she's posted like 20 bulletins. I mean its not like I was gunna get mad if she said she couldn't make it. I just woulda appreciated that more than ignoring me.
Man my back hurts. I wish I could lay on my stomach and let someone crack it. But I don't think thats a very good idea....
My boobs keep leaking clear stuff... its normal, but I don't like it that whenever I walk around without a bra I end up with little wet spots. And it leaks a hell of alot more out of my right one than my left. I don't know why...
James is being a jerk right now...he's such a little pussy whiny shit sometimes. I really believe guys have more emotional problems than women sometimes. Just different ones than us.
I love his ass anyways...how couldn't I? He's the fatehr of my child..and though he hasn't been the best person he could be to me in the past, he's trying to make a better future. And I respect that. Many men don't even step up at all.
Forgive but don't forget, you know?
Well i'm probably not going to be able to sleep tonight cuz I'm like a big kid. And this is the closest thing I've had to a birthday party since I was like 11. I love new stuff...Everytime I get something new I have to read everything it says on the box or bottle or whatever... even if its body wash I'll read the whole little spill about it.
So I'll probably spend tommorrow night reading boxes and stuff..lol.

I'm so fucking hot right now. I'm sitting in front of the fan sweating bullets. I hate summertime sometimes. I would have much rather been pregnant through the winter. I really am getting tired of being pregnant. I don't understand how I can get much bigger than I am now but the third trimester is the month of continuous expansion. At least it will start to cool off toward my due date in october.
I'm starting to get more excited about my baby shower this weekend. I get to see a whole bunch of people I havent seen in forever and get presents. Thought I'm not sure how many people will actually show up. Alot I hope. Plus its at old country buffet...and me and my baby love to eat.
Me and james were joking that we'll be sitting there devouring food and fighting over chicken wings while people are trying to get us to open our presents. Cuz were some fattys.
Were both wearing white so it may give us some manners...>:) yeah right.

On july 3rd we moved into our new place. I'm sooooo happy to be outta that fucking ghetto ass 6 mile & woodward. I've lived lived in damn near every neighborhood in detroit and ain't never lived in some shit like that. Well my new place is nice. 2 bedroom nice size. Got my internet and cable and shit set up so I'm happy.
I'm getting fat as hell. My baby is starting to become a little martial arts master in there. Which i really don't mind but it does feel like an alien sometimes.
I gte reallllly bad heartburn. Which is not easily escaped during pregnancy. actually it started acting up right now so I'ma having to write more later.